Delicious!

Some people ask me how I do my job without getting sick. How can I possibly mix poop, pour urine and look at boogers from strangers without retching? Well, I'll tell you, in the beginning, I did my share of gagging, and yes even vomiting just a little in the back of my mouth. But one day I stumbled upon the trick that would serve me well . I can mix the most unusual cup of stool, with not one heave. I can pour off any urine sample with nary a gag. I discovered the trick that makes bodily fluids seem not only blase, but dare I say, possibly delicious? Today I feel like sharing my trick in case the need arises for you ,to one day ,dabble in the stool of strangers.( My nursing school friends may come to rely on this technique one day.)
I think of food. Simple, yet effective. Good old home cookin. Stirring, mixing, serving delectables for a delicious meal. Suddenly a cup of stool becomes a warm cup of...chili. Depending on the color, I could be making brownies, peanut brittle, or a delicious beefy stew. (I overlook the fact there are no potatoes). Corn chowder is a standard, and occasionally it seems as if I am whipping up a batch of no bake coconut cookies!
Time to pour off urine? Oh no it's not! It is a tea party ! I serve cider, apple juice, ice cold lemon aid. Sometimes eggnog is called for and dark red cranberry juice is a must.
Semen becomes a wonderful donut glaze, and sputum...... Well, sputum is difficult. Sputum. Not delicious, not yummy in the least. Nothing mouthwatering comes to mind when I look at a dab of lung boogers, except a little bit of vomit in the back of my throat. I still have a problem with that.
So my method is not perfect. A small flaw. But otherwise a delightful episode of Iron Chef!