My new job has changed me. Some may say it is for the better. I am inclined to disagree.
For the past three months I have been forced to see things with a different ticker tape of words running through my head.
I used to have a dirty commentary constantly running in my mind. Everything everyone said, my mind could distort into some completely inappropriate twist of what was actually meant. A slightly dirty distortion. Completely entertaining.
I would happily go through my day, laughing to myself, loving the fact that everyday language could sound so inappropriate. Do people realize what they are saying? I felt free to share whatever popped into my head on occasion. Enjoyable. While most people were gaily carrying on, innocent to the fact that they actually were quite filthy individuals. I knew. You needed my brain to see the truth.
I didn't care so much when things flew from my mouth, that were just not quite family friendly. Not filthy things, just slightly shocking. It was fun. Ahh, the carefree days of saying whatever came to mind.
I amused myself.
Now, I sill privately amuse myself, but I am unable to share any of it. That is just wrong.
I am now on complete "edit" mode. And I would like to say, it is no fun. Well, not nearly as fun.
I have found it is still hard not to laugh, when during a very serious meeting, my male co-worker gets his computer running and then announces to the room, "I have mine up!".
Does anyone understand how hard it is for me not to reply, "I wondered if you could get still it up." Or, "Please stop bragging".
Why can't I make some erection comment? OK, I know why. Because I would be fired. And that just sucks all the fun right out of it.
See I did it again. Dirty.