Wednesday, May 7, 2008

They Should Have Know Better

My Parents are on an "extended" getaway, and so we have been communicating via email and snail mail. It has been interesting communicating this way, and it has been a good reminder to me that long distant jokes have the potential to backfire.

I sent my Mother an update on what has been happening on my side of the globe. I thought it would be interesting to quote, verbatim, the context of a few sympathy cards, and thank yous I had received after the passing of my Grandmother.

I was recounting word for word what each card contained, when something over came me.
I had a sudden urge to write words that were not actually included in the cards. I wanted to spice the condolence cards up a smidgen. I was entertaining myself.

Oh! The joy I got from telling my Mother, her sister in-law had sent out form letter thank yous, that included the passage,
"We have been touched by your thoughtfulness. My husband and I have always enjoyed an active sex life, but have been struggling to get it back. We will always remember your kindness during this time in our lives. In time I am sure we will be back to our fulfilling sex life in it's full glory."

I thought certainly Mother would pick right up on the fact that I was exercising the vivid imagination I was blessed with. Not for one second did I think she would actually believe the "thank you/sex life" cards were mailed to potentially hundreds of people.

And so I waited. And waited. I knew for certain I was going to get a call, telling me how ridiculous I was, and how she and my Dad had laughed at the funny joke.

No call came. I could stand it no longer, and after five days of hearing nothing ,I made contact with my Parents. I played it cool. I beat around the bush. I waited for Mother to bring up the joke. She said nothing! And so I casually asked what she thought about the thank you cards in general.
And that's when I found out.
Not for one second did Mother think something was fishy. She actually believed my Aunt had written the inappropriate card and mailed it to an entire town. My poor Father, was humiliated that his childhood friends and neighbors received such a card. He was grateful to be out of the country and did not want to come back until the "sex card" scandle faded from memory.

All week my Mother had tormented Dad, about his family being overly obsessed with sex. His family clearly had too much testosterone pounding through their veins. Here was the proof!

They decided they needed to talk about this embarrassment with someone. They wanted the comfort of knowing other family members were equally horrified. They must call another member of the sex fiend, family. My Uncle.

And that is when the stars aligned, and I made contact. Just in the nick of time.
I prevented my (hysterical) gag from spreading through the family whom were portrayed as sexually uninhibited freaks.
It was close.
My Mother was relieved.
My Father felt the freedom, of knowing he did not come from a sex fiend family. Thankfully, his sister was not an exhibitionist(in thank you cards).

And then he realized . . . his daughter was the sick one who may need professional help. Maybe his family was perverted after all.

3 comments:

Anna said...

Brilliant. simply hillarious!! bawahahahaha! So your father didnt come from a sex fiend family... but he created one? ;)
love you!

Amber Bamber said...

I think that these people that you speak of, may just be MY long lost family. Are they looking for a daughter that was lost about 33 years ago?

Sarah said...

Ummmmm......Whats up with the two month old post!!!
Have you decided youve had enough??? Cus we sure miss you all the way up north!!!! I think its about time you all planned a trip here so we can see your faces again!!!! Love ya!!!